Long Funny Hindi Jokes

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Yamraj asks 3 ladies -
Kabhi kiss kiya?
1st lady : Shadi se pehle.
Yamraj : Chal Nark me.
2nd Lady : Shaadi ke baad.
Yamraj : Chal Swarg me.
3rd Lady : Na pehle na baad me.
Yamraj : Chal kamre me!!!
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Doctor : Aab tabiyat kaisi hai?
Santa : Pehle se jyada kharab hai.
Doctor : Dawai khali thi?
Santa : Nahi dawai ki sishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : I mean dawai le li thi?
Santa : Ji aapne di to meine le li thi.
Doctor : Bewkoof dawai pee li thi?
Santa : Nahi dawai to laal thi.
Doctor : Abe gadhe dawai ko pee liya tha?
Santa : Nahi sir peelia to mujhe tha!!!
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Mixed Desi Mobile Jokes

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Santa ki amma maar gayi.
Ek aadmi bola – amma mujhe bhi le jati apne saath.
Do char aur bole – haan amma hume bhi le jati
Santa Bola – Chup ho jao gadho.
Amma kya sumo karke gayi hai??
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Teacher to Student : Last Semester you were roaming
with that girl and this semester you are roaming with other.
What you think of yourself?
Boy : Syllabus changed mam.
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Ravana : Cigeratte hai kya?
Hanuman : Nahi Hai.
Ram : Ek packet hai na.
Hanuman : Aap chup rahiye prabhu. Iske 10 sir hain.
Pura packet khatam ho jayega.
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Santa by mistake goes into a ladies toilet.
All ladies suddenly stand up
Santa : Izzat dil me ho yehi kaafi hai,
Baitho Baitho…:)
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Mixed Collections Jokes

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Wife to Husband : Meri to koi aulad nahi hai isliye
sochti hu ki apni saari jaydad kisi sadhu ko daan kar dungi

Yeh sunkar pati uthkar jane laga

Patni : Tum kaha ja rahe ho?
Pati : Sadhu ban-ne
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Santa Banta se bola “Bhai aaj to chay peene ka maza aa gaya.”
Banta : Santa Jee, agar billi ne dudh me muh na mara hota to aur bhi
maza aata!!!
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Ek aadmi apne aap me kehta hu ja raha tha ki aisi zindagi se toh maut aachi.
Achanak Yamdoot aa gaya aur bola “Tumhari jaan lene ka hukm hai”
Aadmi : Lo batao, aab insaan mazaak bhi nahi kar sakta hai kya?
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Wife Saw Sign Board:

Nylon Saree
Rs.8/-
Cotton Saree
Rs.5/-
Banarsi Saree
Rs.10/-

Wife: Give me Rs.500 I’ll buy 50 Sarees.

Husband: Andhi! Dhobi ki dukaan hai
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Funny Student-Study Jokes

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What is 1+4+3?

I+LOVE+U

No

I+MISS U

No

I+Kiss+U

No

1+4+3 Means

1+4+3=8

MATHS pe dhyaan do…

Romance pe nahi….
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Jab question paper ho out of control,
Answer sheet ko karke fold,
Aeroplane banake bol..
…..
…..
…..
…..
…..
…..

All is fail !
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New way of writting answers in exams.

If you don’t know the answer,
then put lines like this :

||||||||||

and write below :
“Scratch here for ANSWERS”
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Jyotish ladke ke haath dekhkar bola
“Beta tum bahut padhoge”
Ladka : Saale padh to mein 3 saal se raha hu,
ye bata paas kab hounga???
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Dad : Ess Baar exam me paas ho ya fail
BIKE zarur dilaunga.
Son : Kaunsi bike?
Dad : Pass he to “APACHE”
college jane ke liye.
Fail hue to “RAJDOOT” dood bechne ke liye
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How to make a woman happy

It’s not difficult to make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:

a friend
a companion
a lover
a brother
a father
a master
a chef
an electrician
a carpenter
a plumber
a mechanic
a decorator
a stylist
a good mother
a gynecologist
a psychologist
a pest exterminator
a psychiatrist
a healer
a good listener
an organizer
a good father
very clean
sympathetic
athletic
warm
attentive
gallant
intelligent
funny
creative
tender
strong
understanding
tolerant
prudent
ambitious
capable
courageous
determined
true
dependable
passionate
compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

give her compliments regularly
love shopping
be honest
be very rich
not stress her out
not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
give her lots of time, especially time for herself
give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

Never to forget:
birthdays
anniversaries
arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

Bring beer
Hand over the remote.
AMAZINGLY TRUE, ISN’T IT!

Hanste Raho

Ramlila se Hanuman tha farar,
Roll ke liye fit kiya 1 sardar,
sardar tha bahut hi kamaal,
ped se chalang mar ke bola,
“Jo bole so nihal”
Sita DARLING sasriyakal….
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Sabse maasum dhamki : Jab chor chori
karke ghar se bhaag raha tha,
tab bachcha jaag gaya aur bola,
“Mera school bag bhi le ja KAMINE warna”
mummy ko jaga dunga.”
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Har gum ko pala nai jata,
Kanch ki chizo ko uchala nai jata,
Kuch karna hi to mehnat karo yaro,
Har baat ko “All is WELL” bolke tala nahi jata!
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10th class ka student : Mein fail hona chahta hu
Dost : Kyun?
Student : Papa ne kaha hai ki 1st aaya,
to science dilvaunga, 2nd aaya to arts,
fair hua to shadi kara denge!
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HI